


Polar Vortex

by TheDiamondAuthorityDidIt



Series: Steven Universe One-Shots [1]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Meme, this is literally just a meme
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-31
Updated: 2019-01-31
Packaged: 2019-10-19 18:29:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 589
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17606642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheDiamondAuthorityDidIt/pseuds/TheDiamondAuthorityDidIt
Summary: A polar vortex is gripping the country. What should everyone do to battle against it?





	Polar Vortex

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the polar vortex that the United States is suffering through. I happen to be one of those many people.
> 
> This is not intended to be a serious Ruby/Sapphire fic. It’s just a joke.
> 
> Thanks to my friend Furgico#7977 on Discord for helping me create this fic.

 

_ “This morning is particularly foggy, but will clear up about--” _

 

_ “WAIT NO! We’ve just got news that most of the U.S. is being hit with what seems to be… an artificial polar vortex? This vortex is being created by a small blue being named Sapphire, who is also being chased by a red being of the same size named Ruby. Ruby seems to be melting the ice and snow, then burning down everything in her path. _

 

_ “Rebecca Sugar, former cartoonist and villain, is under arrest for affiliation of such destruction of our nation. We have two other major suspects, former actresses and villains Charlyne Yi and Erica Luttrell. The police have reason to suspect others, but do not have enough evidence to apprehend them. _

 

_ “Uhh, I’m currently being handed an update to this story… it seems that the two have been caught by two other beings, who call themselves Pearl and Amethyst. We’re noticing a trend that all of their names seem to be named after gemstones and seem to be that color, except Pearl, but close enough. Witnesses say that they keep yelling about roses, diamonds, and someone named Steven. After quite a bit of shouting, crying, and singing, Sapphire ran away and continued her rampage across the country, with the other three screaming at her from behind. _

 

_ “It seems that there are two giant hands in the sky now! They seem to be highly advanced technology. One is yellow, while the other is blue. They seem to be chasing after the four creatures, who are still currently running around the U.S. Police have been unable to capture any of them, as they seem to be supernatural beings. The FBI are now involved due to their failures to imprison them. We also have two new suspects, Michaela Dietz and Deedee Magno Hall, who are also former actresses and villains. Any information on their locations should be reported immediately to the police, as they are a great danger to our society. _

 

_ “The hands are reported by the FBI to be almost indestructible. There is now a new hand, a very muscular one, rising from underneath the Earth’s crust. How did it get there? How long has it been there? Suddenly, the arms are in a wrestling match! What can we ever do to save our poor country? _

 

_ “The muscular arm has won, it seems, but the four beings are still running across the U.S., and there doesn’t seem to be a way to stop them! The police and the FBI both haven’t had any progress-- in fact, during this fiasco, Rebecca Sugar was able to escape from our custody! It is speculated widely that these beings were sent here to destroy the United States, and I think they have succeeded. Even worse, there seem to be many people, mostly teenagers, chasing after these beings in excitement, rather than staying at home and waiting for this disaster to conclude. At this rate, however, it will never conclude-- it will only destroy our entire country! _

 

_ “I guess this is it, loyal followers of Keep Beach City Weird. Goodbye.” _

  
  


All the Crystal Gems looked up at the same time, looking at each other in confusion.

 

Pearl was the first to speak. “What is… the ‘United States’?”

 

Steven shrugged. “Probably another one of his crazy theories.”

 

Amethyst bursted out laughing. “This dude is hilarious!” she snorted, slapping the countertop.

 

“Well, at least it was better edited than the last,” Garnet remarked, the smallest hint of a smile on her face.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed, haha.
> 
> Feel free to send me any one-shot requests :)


End file.
